[R-G] [BillTottenWeblog] Why the US is a helluva country

[Bill Totten]

by Lorna Salzman

http://culturechange.org (July 01 2008)


Some people are giving a lot of thought to how to build a movement
around global warming. This is a tough challenge but given American
know-how, can-do, ingenuity, cojones, knee-jerk patriotic hubris,
suspicion of foreigners, a staggeringly high fifty percent literacy
rate, reliance on conspiracy theories, faith in one god or another, and
unflagging belief in progress in the face of overwhelming evidence to
the contrary, I am sure it can be done. This is a helluva country.
Here's why.

1. A commitment to representative democracy conditioned only on the
necessity of belonging to one of two parties, Republican or Democrat.
Republicans have the upper hand given that their 24th pair of
chromosomes codes for Greed. Democrats' 24th chromosome codes for
Deceit. It's Win-Win for either of them.

2. An abiding love for gambling, monster theme parks, shopping in giant
malls, riding in huge vans, and family values that use churches and TV
sets to bring everyone together. These shared values give a remarkable
cohesion to American society even in the face of ecological collapse. No
one wants to be a nattering nabob of negativity as the world crumbles
around us. Stiff upper lips are enough for the British but not for
Americans, who need overstuffed credit cards to reassure themselves that
they are the salvation of the world and if you don't like it you can go
back where you came from.

3. A fervent belief in the right to cheap gas. After decades of paying
under a dollar per gallon for gasoline - 35 cents in the 1960s -
Americans are now getting really pissed off at the chutzpah of royal
monarchs, royal leftist pains-in-the-ass and Royal Dutch Shell
executives who think they have as much a right to make money as
Americans do. What gives foreigners these privileges? Don't they know we
can send in the troops anytime we want for any reason?

4. An indissoluble adhesion to religion in one form or another. It is
undeniable that the existence of dissent, protest and freedom of
expression causes discomfort to many Americans, sending them into the
arms and shelter of various religious cults and institutions, who will,
on their behalf, fight against these basic freedoms and rights so as to
make them feel better. Generally speaking, they are cheaper than
psychoanalysts depending on how much of your meagre salary you turn over
to these delightful snake oil salesmen. (Nothing wrong with snake oil;
lots of it, under different names, is sold in "Health food" stores to
the conspiracy theorists on the left and right who think all doctors and
medicine are poisoning them).

5. There is nothing like conspiracy theories, except maybe some stand-up
comedians, to keep people amused and connected. We can thank the
internet for making this political networking possible, since it ties up
people who might be making serious mischief elsewhere.

6. An unprecedented web of multiculturalism, ranging from extreme
Political Correctness which bans words like "beggars" and "midget", to
Rambo Limbaughs, to posturing paleoliberals like Eric Alterman and The
Nation, to New Age gurus like Deepak Chopra, to street-theater
rabblerousers like Al Sharpton, not to mention the mammalian diversity
in the halls of Congress, where the promise of equal opportunity is
fulfilled in the election of liars, louts and lechers every two years.
This country can be rightly proud of its tolerance for dissent, where
blacks think all whites are racists and whites think all blacks are Arabs.

7. Only in America could the conundrum of disdain for government and
politicians be so perfectly illustrated by the election-year digestion
of the whole cloth of candidates' promises.

8. An adherence to the time-tested practice of misogyny, whether in the
corporate glass ceiling, skewed pay scales, domestic violence, or the
female slavery in Mormon religious brothels that condemns generations of
girls and women to illiteracy, inequality and isolation. Let no one
accuse Americans of forsaking the prejudices and practices of their
pioneer ancestors.

9. A obeisant compliant media industry that, unlike its brethren in
congress, is willing and eager to feed the demands, biases and fears of
its readers and listeners. It cannot be accused of elitism or pandering
to the select few; on the contrary, it faithfully brings, every hour of
the day and night, the promise of prosperity and material success to
tens of millions of people even as the country's political and economic
leaders strive to deprive them of these things. Truly, it is a balm for
troubled Americans who are tired of being bombarded with the bad news
about global warming, epidemics, food shortages and the prospect of
parking their RV in their backyard indefinitely.

Given these conditions, who should be leading our country? The only
people qualified to lead our country fall into at least one of these
categories: atheists/secularists; women; libertarians; homeless.
Atheists and secularists are independent rational thinkers and resistant
to cult thinking and behavior. Women are obviously the more
compassionate, stable and social justice-oriented gender. Libertarians,
though they have some peculiar ideas about guns, taxes and the
environment, are highly tolerant of dissent and defenders of civil
liberties. And the homeless need to replace the corporate lobbyists and
executives and be allowed to pursue their own self interest: getting a
roof over their heads and a hot meal. (Note: I have left out gays and
lesbians because basically they are really no different from the rest of
society).

Here is my proposed list for the top positions in Washington:

President: Dennis Kucinich. A little guy with a big brain and heart.

Vice president: Weird Al Yankovich. Because we need another VP named Al.

Secretary of State: Christopher Hitchens. A gutsy smartass atheist with
no ax to grind, who is hated by the left and the religious community ...
testimony to his value.

Secretary of Health, Education and Welfare: Ayaan Hirsi Ali. A reward
for her moral witness and courage in facing down islamist extremism and PC.

Secretary of Commerce: Reverend Billy of the Church of Stop Shopping.

Secretary for the Environment: James Gustave Speth. For being a
non-leftist fingering capitalism as the root of the world's problems.
(If he declines, I nominate Dave Foreman).

Secretary of Labor: Ralph Nader.

_____

Lorna Salzman started her forty-year career as environmental activist
saving wetlands on eastern Long Island and got her big boost and
inspiration when Dave Brower hired her as regional representative of
Friends of the Earth in New York. After serving over ten years with FOE,
mostly fighting nuclear power and fending off the Army Corps of
Engineers, she had brief stints at National Audubon Society's American
Birds magazine, at Food & Water fighting food irradiation, and in the
1990s served three years as natural resource specialist at the New York
City Department of Environmental Protection. In between she founded the
New York Green Party, ran as a green for congress in 2002, and sought
the party's presidential nomination in 2004.

Her collected writings are at lornasalzman.com .

Her previous article in Culture Change was "Neo-liberals in green
clothing: Nordhaus, Shellenberger and Rockefeller Philanthropy Advisors"
at culturechange.org .

http://culturechange.org/cms/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=182&Itemid=1#cont


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