[R-G] Why? Because We Can

[Macdonald Stainsby]

The Sid Messages that are coming all messed up are now easier to spot. 
I hereby forward this one intact from itself

Macdonald

New York Times	 September 29, 2002 

Why? Because We Can 

By MAUREEN DOWD 

WASHINGTON - The Boy Emperor's head hurt. 

All the oppressive obligations of statecraft were swimming through his
brain
like hungry koi. 

He summoned the imperial war tutor to the oval throne. 

"I'm confused, Wise Rummy," he confessed. "Is the war pre-emptive,
preventive or preventable? Is Saddam fissile or fissible? What in 
creation
is counterproliferation? Everything's moving so fast. It's a puzzlement.
Why
are we mad at Saddam?" 

"Because he wants to attack our country," the mandarin replied. 

"Why?" the Boy pressed. 

"Because we want to attack his country," the tutor said. 

"Why?" The Boy was insatiable. 

"Because Saddam tried to destroy your dad." 

"Why?" 

"Because your dad tried to destroy Saddam." 

"Why?" 

"Because he's evil." 

"Why?" 

"Because he's pretending to go along with inspections so he can get
bombs." 


"Why?" 

"Because we're pretending to go along with inspections so we can bomb." 

"What is our smoking gun against Saddam?" 

"Reply hazy. Ask again later." 

"Why do you sound like a Magic 8 Ball, teacher?" 

"We don't have the intelligence on Iraq or we don't want to talk about 
it.
You decide." 

"But can we really tie Al Qaeda to Saddam?" 

"Goodness gracious! Al Qaeda is dangerous. Iraq is dangerous. We have to
connect the dots of the future and not dwell on the dots of the past. 
It's
unhelpful to get into a lot of detail because it just changes our
capabilities." 

"I don't understand." 

"It is not possible to find hard evidence that something is going to
happen
down the road because you will have known it happened only after it
happens.
It's very difficult to get perfect evidence before an event occurs or 
even
after it occurs. Pre-emption requires only pre-evidence." 

"You've flipped your cap, Rummy," the Boy Emperor wailed. "Get me 
Condi!" 

"The problem with it," Rummy continued, ignoring the Boy's outburst, "is
that when intelligence is gathered, it's gathered at a moment, and then
that
moment passes and then there's the next moment and the moment after 
that.
It
is not possible to know whether the information that was accurate is 
still
accurate. Do you follow me?" 

"But aren't we just killing our own Frankenstein monsters, teacher? 
Didn't
we help build up Saddam when he was fighting Iran, and Osama when he was
fighting the Soviets? How do we know which people we like now might
someday
do something that we would hate if we knew what they might do?" 

"Holy mackerel, my young Padawan! The risks of doing nothing are greater
than the risks of knowing nothing and doing something." 

"Why do we give intelligence to the terrorists in their jail cells,
instead
of getting intelligence on the terrorists that puts them in jail 
cells?" 

"Our intelligence agencies are dumb." 

"Why can't we make them smart?" 

"Because we're too busy planning war with Iraq." 

"Why are we attacking Iraq, which may someday team up with terrorists,
instead of Iran, which has already teamed up with terrorists?" 

"Midterms." 

"Multiple choice, right? I hate those essay tests. But haven't Pakistan
and
Saudi Arabia also supported terrorists?" 

"Those creeps are our creeps." 

"Can you explain the Bush Doctrine again, Rummy Sensei?" 

"We start with self-defense, which is legitimate, and journey up to
anticipatory self-defense, which has to do with history and real estate.
Then we follow the rising path of wisdom to prevention, which sounds
somewhat more acceptable than pre-emption, and which is about oil at 
$17 a
barrel." 

"Is Tom Daschle right that our war is political?" 

"Is the White House white?" 

"Why is President Gore running against me again?" 

"He's unpatriotic. We should give that guy a one-way ticket to
Guantánamo." 


"What's the difference between Guantánamo and Guantanamera?" 

"Golly."  



-- 
Macdonald Stainsby,
External Relations Co-ordinator,
Douglas Students Union.
**
In the contradiction lies the hope. --Bertholt Brecht.
***
"`Order rules in Berlin.' You stupid lackeys! Your 
`order' is built on sand. Tomorrow the revolution will rear 
ahead once more and announce to your horror amid the brass 
of trumpets: `I was, I am, I always will be!'" 

-Rosa Luxemburg, 1918.