[A-List] Sex and the Single Female

[Henry C.K. Liu]

Since sex is a key preoccupation in American culture, to say that a 
single female is in deed of a man can hardly be labelled as 
"misogenynist attack." It seems more to the point than Rice's tiresome 
and tireless call for the need for democracy around the world when the 
term has long been distorted by Churchill as neo-imperialism. Sexual 
refernce in politics is as common in everyday American conversation as 
football. LBJ referred to massive bombing of Vietnam rhetorically to Ho 
Chi Ming many times in White House staff meetings: "I'm going to cut off 
your pecker!"

Of course, Rice can call Zhirinovsky on his accusation by releasing 
documented record of her sex life to show that she has not be sexually 
deprived since entering politics. Or to argue that JFK's sexual 
indiscretions in the White House was not the source of strength in his 
ability to resist the military's pressure to launch a pre-emptive attack 
on Cuba durring the Missile Crisis. Or Clinton's non-sex oral engagement 
with Monica did not prevent him from sending a missile trying to kill 
Osama bin Ladin in Afghanistan.


Henry C.K. Liu


Steamed about Rice,
Russian pol unleashes rant



Russian pol Vladimir Zhirinovsky says what Condi needs is a man.

Condoleezza Rice might want to see if there's room in one of those 
"black site" terror-suspect prisons for Russian politician Vladimir 
Zhirinovsky.

The wacko leader of Russia's Liberal and Democratic Party has surpassed 
his earlier screeds with a misogynist attack on our secretary of state.

Speaking with Pravda this week, Zhirinovsky chastised Rice for calling 
on Russia to "act responsibly" in supplying natural gas to Ukraine.

The fascistic pol attributed that "coarse anti-Russian statement" to 
Rice being "a single woman who has no children."

"If she has no man by her side at her age, he will never appear," 
Zhirinovsky ranted on. "Condoleezza Rice needs a company of soldiers. 
She needs to be taken to barracks where she would be satisfied.

"Condoleezza Rice is a very cruel, offended woman who lacks men's 
attention," he added. "Such women are very rough. … They can be happy 
only when they are talked and written about everywhere: 'Oh, 
Condoleezza, what a remarkable woman, what a charming Afro-American 
lady! How well she can play the piano and speak Russian!'

"Complex-prone women are especially dangerous. They are like malicious 
mothers-in-law, women that evoke hatred and irritation with everyone. 
Everybody tries to part with such women as soon as possible. A 
mother-in-law is better than a single and childless political persona, 
though."

A State Department spokesman told us Rice would not "dignify the article 
with a response."

Zhirinovsky has made no secret of his insanity in the past. Besides 
praising Hitler and encouraging the use of nuclear weapons, he has 
advocated Russia's invasion and "reacquisition" of Alaska. To eradicate 
bird flu, he's suggested arming every Russian and ordering them to shoot 
everything with feathers. Perhaps we could fit him with a Big Bird costume.

How celebs make 13th a lucky Friday

With Friday the 13th upon us, you can bet that superstitious celebs will 
be taking no chances.

Shaquille O'Neal may be putting on an extra coat of blue toenail polish. 
(The Lakers star got into the habit after his mother treated his stubbed 
toe with some nail hardener the same night that he scored 46 points.)

Sen. John McCain may be carrying his lucky compass, his lucky feather, 
his lucky penny, his lucky rock and his lucky pen. He believes the 
talismans helped him survive two plane crashes.

Wherever he is today, Jackie Chan will surely sleep on the ground floor. 
"I was caught in four separate earthquakes growing up in Taiwan," he 
told Webster Hall's Baird Jones.

Elton John may be eating off his Gianni Versace plates. The Rocket Man 
is said to believe the crockery is inhabited by the Gianni's spirit — 
though you have to wonder what's so lucky about a murdered designer. 
­Indeed, some Italians are said to regard Elton as un-lucky because of 
his closeness to Gianni and Princess Di.

Hilary Swank may actually greet this day with joy. The "Million Dollar 
Baby" star came to see 13 as lucky because that was the number of her 
seat last year when she won her second Oscar. Then again, with her 
marriage to Chad Lowe on the rocks, it may not be lucky enough.

Side Dish

Jennifer Aniston's camp is denying it, but we hear Brad Pitt warned her 
last week that Angelina Jolie is expecting his child. All the same, 
"Jennifer is devastated," says our source. Meanwhile, Jolie's ex Billy 
Bob Thornton would take no questions about the baby news when he turned 
up at Wednesday's L.A. party for Akasha Richmond's cookbook, "Hollywood 
Dish." … Eva Longoria jumped into Jamie Foxx's silver two-seat 
Lamborghini and sped away after Mary J. Blige's surprise birthday party 
at Ortolan in L.A. Wednesday night. … Lindsay Lohan had dinner at Jewel 
Bako here with Yoko Ono, who's counseling her on her role in the movie 
"Chapter 27," about John Lennon's murder. P.S. — we're assured that, 
while Lindsay and pal Kate Moss did practice their pole-dancing at 
Scores this week, they did not grope or kiss each other, as you may have 
read. … "Lost" Actress Cynthia Watros pleaded guilty to drunken driving 
yesterday in Hawaii. She was fined $370 and had her driver's license 
suspended for 90 days. … Philip Seymour Hoffman's rep insists he doesn't 
drink, so he couldn't have been "overserved" at the National Board of 
Review awards, as we reported yesterday. Hoffman told us people often 
ask him to mimic Truman Capote, who definitely did drink, but "I'm never 
going to play Capote again … out of respect for him."

With Jo Piazza and Chris Rovzar